let go and let god.

we had our home visit last week and other than totally insulting our caseworker (more on that in a later post)... it went really well.

as someone who has always had a strange fascination (read: borderline obsession) with the idea of going to rehab, i have to admit that i totally love the fact that i have a "caseworker". it makes me feel all girl-interrupted and whatnot. our caseworker (we will call her M) is super nice and seems to really like us. she graduated from the same college that NM and i teach at and although she is really young, she seems like she knows what she is doing. (not that i have anything against young folks, but for $18,000... i want someone who isnt gonna screw anything up!)

my only initial concern about M is that she is christian. not the i-have-a-private-relationship-with-god kind of christian but rather the i-will-affix-a-crucifix-to-anything-that-will-stand-still-long-enough kind of christian. she has handwritten post-it-note bible quotes framing her computer screen and at least 2 trinkets emblazoned with the words "hope" (christian speak for god-hates-fags) and "faith" (christian speak for dirty-gays-should-burn-in-hell)

dont get me wrong.... its not that i have anything against christians, per say. i mean other than the whole "we believe you are the devil and should be wiped from the face of this earth so that you wont molest our children" thing... they seem like nice enough people. but this is our adoption caseworker... the person who gets to ask us deeply personal questions and ultimately make a final decision about whether or not we can receive a baby. so forgive (christian speak for we-know-that-our-priest-molested-you-but-god-doesnt-like-people-who-hold-grudges) me if im a little apprehensive about her blatant display of faith. every time we go to the office she offers us a glass of "water". im convinced this is her attempt to get me to ingest holy-water and in turn either straighten-up or die. as you can imagine, NM thinks im overreacting but it seems suspicious enough to me.

anywhoo... there have been lots of questions throughout the 4 interviews that have touched on the idea of faith/god/will-you-raise-the-kid-in-a-way-that-will-get-them-into-heaven-or-hell? but each time i answer, i dont feel any sense of judgement or negative energy from M. maybe, just maybe, she is one of the tiny handful of non-judgemental christians who, like log cabin republicans... comes from the mythical world known as oxymoron land.