a baby and two blisters on my toes.

holy crap...  i wanna start this post off by sending a huge shout out to everyone who has sent messages of love and congrats. it felt like a big ol' cyber hug. *smile* serio, its been wonderful feeling so supported by my blog peeps.

theres lots of stuff that i want to get documented so i guess ill just dive right in.

tuesday 8/30 - 1:30 pm
i was chillin at work when the caseworker called. "she is officially in labor. you're having a baby today." i tried my best to resist the urge to sprint immediately to the hospital as she gave me more details. "birthmom is 4 centimeters dilated and is about to get an epidural. the epidural will most likely slow down labor so there is no need to come to the hospital just yet. you could probably finish out the day at work, get some dinner and then head over to the hospital".

i hung up with the caseworker and called NM...
NM: hello?
me: *southern accent* daddy, its time. (steel magnolia reference, anyone?)
NM: time for what?
me: *exasperated sigh* babe. its like time.
NM: OH!!! ITS TIME!!


1:45 - NM and i walk to a friends office on campus to tell her the news.


2:00 - chatting it up with our friend... talking about random stuff like what to wear to the hospital, when we might want a food delivery, etc. when i realize i have a voicemail.

Voicemail = "jersey, this is your caseworker. birthmom is currently being wheeled into the operating room for an emergency c-section! you need to get to the hospital as fast as you can!!"

now, on a side note... NM has a friend who delivers babies for a living (i cant think of the official doctor word for that job right now. im running on fumes these days.). anywho, this friend claims that she can complete a c-section in 17 minutes. with this knowledge in mind, NM and i start RACING across campus to get to the car. naturally i had to pick this day to wear my super cute snooki leopard print flats. i could feel them digging into my pinkie toes with each stomp. i thought about taking them off but could totally hear NM in my head saying, "ew. why do white people always walk around bear-foot?!"

so... we got to the car and began the 3 mile journey to the hospital. i was tempted to start the text/phone chain but NM looked at me and said, "lets just be present in this moment together." it was crazy to think that the next time we would ride in our car, there would be a tiny human in the back seat.

2:25 - we arrive at the hospital and race up the elevator. as we make the turn into the hallway leading to the maternity ward, a nurse walks out of the operating room with a baby in her hands.
she yells down the hallway:"are you jersey and NM??"
me and NM: "yes!"
nurse: "well come meet your baby!"

we made it just in time. *smile*

the nurse escorted us to the nursery where they began to clean the little dude up. he was screaming his little head off and full of life. as it turns out, the umbilical cord was on top of his head so every time the birthmom pushed, it would cut off his flow. at some point they lost the heartbeat so they decided to go in. he was pretty far wedged into the birth canal so they had to use the vacuum to get him out. poor little guy had some pretty bad bruising and raw skin on his head.

luckily our hospital is pretty adoption-friendly so the nursing staff was supportive of us as parents. the only hiccup came when it was time to put on the baby lojack bracelets that prevent anyone from stealing him. our birthmom said ahead of time that she did not want a bracelet. that would mean that NM and i would both get to have one. the nurse said that they had already put one of the bracelets on the birhmom while she was knocked out in surgery and it couldnt be changed. apparently hospital policy dictates that the birthmom always have one of the bracelets.

i wasnt too concerned about me and NM... one bracelet would be fine since we were pretty dead seat against separating while in the hospital. i felt bad for the birthmom though. she had clearly indicated that she didnt want to know anything about the baby or have anything that would remind her of the baby and then they go tying a giant nursery bracelet on her when she is passed out.

we spent the first hour of the boy's life with him in the nursery. he had an IMMEDIATE sucking reflex and since his head was super sore, the nurses gave him a pacifier to help him self-soothe. it worked immediately. he ate a full meal and got a bath before being wheeled into our room.

since we werent admitted patients in the hospital, we coudlnt exactly get a free room to crash in. there are a bunch of adoptive parents on the nursing staff so as a group they have collectively done quite a bit to make the hospital adoption-friendly. they set us up in a room called the "sun room" which was essentially a large conference room with a tv and pull out sofas. the hospital provides that room for free to allow adoptive parents to spend the night with thier new baby. it was so awesome to have the opportunity to have a private space to spend 2 nights with him rather than being stuck in a waiting room or being forced to go home overnight.

while we were in the sunroom we had the opportunity to meet birthmom's father... our boy's birth grandfather. birthmom wanted someone to meet the boy but wasnt up for meeting him herself. she asked her father to meet him (and us). it was a very emotional meeting... something straight out of lifetime tv... and we all cried. he held the boy and said that he looked like his daughter. he thanked us and said that his daughter felt at peace as soon as she found our profile. it was a beautiful moment shared between us all... ill write more about it in a later post. in the meantime... i have a diaper to change!!

the boy's first paparazzi shot!

everything is still moving along as planned. the boy passed the 36 week mark on sunday and will technically be considered "full term" on august 8th. eeek! the last ultrasound was 2 weeks ago and he weighed 5 lbs 2 oz. (the photo above was from an earlier ultrasound taken in april)

the due date is still august 28th though and since most first-time pregnancies tend to go late... im thinking we have some time. he might even be a september baby.

 NM and i leave for our babymoon on saturday. a whole week in the florida sun... i cant wait! we have our fingers crossed that the little dude wont decide to come early and force us to fly home mid-trip. if he does, im sure it will be an omen of things to come in his teenage years.
 
our caseworkers said that the birthmother is doing much better emotionally and physically. as it turns out, she has very little support from anyone other than her mom and had been feeling pretty overwhelmed with the whole process. they said she still attends all of her meetings and medical appointments alone but is in better spirits. (*sigh* i can barely attend my annual pap exam alone so im pretty impressed with her strength!) it’s a strange feeling to care so deeply about someone we have never met. in many ways, she is a part of our family and its been difficult to not be able to offer her our direct support. closed adoption is tough in that way.
 
although, knowing me… its probably a good thing that we aren’t in contact. I could SO easily end up adopting a birthmother right along with the baby…. “babe, she just needs a place to stay for 2 weeks.” lol. NM would surely divorce me.

she has decided that she doesnt want one of the hospital bracelets (the ones that give access to the nursery) so NM and i will each have one. we are fortunate that the hospital in our area is very adoption friendly so we will most likely get our own room and will spend the night with the boy.

we are still in seemingly constant dialog about names and circumcision (we welcome any suggestions on either topic!) and continue to watch the clock tick down with anticipation. we arent quite at the TTWW stage yet (which officially starts on august 14th!)... but getting close!

"congrats! wanna hear a nightmare adoption story?"

the process of telling people about our news has been fa-scin-a-ting. by far the most common response goes something like this:

"oh my god!! im so excited for you!! what are the chances that she might change her mind?"

while this question definitely comes from a good place (ie. wanting to protect us from harm), it has started to get pretty annoying. i have decided that from now on, when i see a pregnant woman im gonna say "congrats! im so excited for you! what are the chances that the baby could die?". lol. kidding, kidding. but you get the point.

another interesting thing that we are learning is that most people expect that we will be adopting an older child. when we mention that we will be at the hospital when he is born people often say, "wait... youre getting a baby??! like a baby baby?!?" then the excitement goes through the roof.

these reactions remind me of how many misconceptions i used to have about adoption, birthmothers, legal nightmares, etc etc. its funny how something that once seemed so foreign and scary has now become so run-of-the-mill.

anywho... i have gotten lots of questions about what we know so here goes:

* birthmother is a 19 year old college student
* birthfather knows about the baby and has already signed away his parental rights. (this is a big deal because if the birthfather isnt int he picture, we would have to run ads in newspapers announcing the adoption to give him a chance to come forward. as you can imagine, few people even read the paper anymore so there is always a fear that a birthdad could resurface and say, "i had no idea this baby existed and i want rights")
* birthmom is super healthy... no drugs or alcohol.
* birth family lives locally and all seem to support her choice for adoption


the only somewhat negative part about the birthmom is that at this point, she prefers a closed adoption. for folks who dont know, a closed adoption means that we wont get to meet her or know any identifying information about her or her family. we had really hoped to have an open adoption so that our kid could have access to his birth family and grow to know them. we believe that everyone has the right to know where they come from so this part is kind of a bummer. its not that we would want to co-parent with them or anything... but occasional visits and photo updates would have been great.

our caseworker said that the birthmom is feeling super overwhelmed right now and is pretty miserable physically. it sounds like the pregnancy has been really rough on her so we are hopeful that maybe after all is said and done... and some time has passed... she will reconsider the no-contact rule. *fingers crossed!*