how cool!?

i was contacted recently by someone requesting to use my fun with the 2009 target catalog post for a podcast. i honestly had no idea what the heck that would entail but i said yes and hoped for the best.

today i received THIS link via email and it turns out sage turtle created an audio clip with actors voicing the content from my post. how cool is that?!??!

30 day challenge 6, 7 & 8

challenge #6: thoughts on mainstream music
eh, its cool. ive never been a huge music aficionado. its not that i dislike music or anything... im just not the wild and crazy music fan that lots of people seem to be. *shrug*

challenge #7: five pet peeves
1- free sample rage (FSR)

picture yourself in the grocery store, minding your own business picking out a bag of chips... when all of a sudden WHAM! you get side swiped by someone's shopping cart and then PINCH! your toes get run over by someone else. you turn around to see an onslaught of carts racing your way ZOOM! SCREETCH! WHIZ! you ask yourself, "what on EARTH could cause such a commotion? is markey mark in the grocery store? perhaps aliens are invading?" and then you see it... the table at the end of the aisle with free samples of popcorn/chips/cliff bars/juice/bagel bites/fritos. FSR in full effect. calm down people, its only a dorito.


2- obligatory hugs under ridiculous circumstances

im not a big hugger. there are like 5 people who make my list of people-i-like-to-hug and those people get hugs quarterly. maybe. only NM gets daily hugs and half the time they are accompanied by a rolling of the eyes. so coming in at #2 on the list of pet peeves is obligatory hugs under ridiculous circumstances. if you're a co-worker/acquaintance/instructor/wife-of-a-co-worker and we run into each other at the gas station/grocery store/restaurant/work parking lot why on EARTH would it make ANY sense for us to hug?

3- people who are rude to service staff

4- words that end in "-ts" or "-ks" but sound like "sss-tss" or "sss-kss"
examples: vests, dusts, tasks, beasts, desks, asks, pests & blasts

5- intentionally misspelled business names

examples: Kum-and-Go, Blu-Ray, Pak-Lite, Kwik Stop, Qwest, Kar Wash




challenge #8 -what i ate today
so far ive eaten an egg and bacon burrito made fresh by NM and a venti coffee. mmm.

viva las vegas

just got back from vegas, baby!! NM had a conference to attend so i tagged along. we were there for 6 days which i have come to realize is a LONG FRIGGIN TIME to be in vegas. here are some of the very few photo highlights that wont blow our cover. this is an anonymous blog, after all. *wink*

we stayed here:

and spent lots of time watching this:

we gambled a total of $1.00 (which we lost) but i had fun shooting pictures in the casino

the trip included my very first in-and-out burger. the hype is well earned... it was yummy!

we decided, without a doubt, that the next time we come to vegas... we will stay in the cosmopolitan.

 its SO tight! the ambiance is retro-chic and the restaurants are beautiful.

we bought some dope art from the artomat vending machine in the lobby. i HEART art-o-mats!

we also checked out the fremont experience which was complete with neon lights, booze and giant beads! giant beads make perfect self-portrait tools.

NM was in her conference sessions for most of the afternoon and since i could only do this for so long...

...i spent lots of time on the streets shooting away with my camera....

...and eating yummy food.

all in all, a great little vacation (and distraction from TTC!).



30-day challenge post #5: things you want to say to an ex

ive been pretty lucky in the ex department. perhaps its my cancer tendencies but im one of those nostalgic freaks who still keeps in touch with most of my ex lady/man-friends. there is only one ex i can think of who has caused me legitimate harm and that was mostly due to age and immaturity. the rest have been a collection of mostly well intentioned human beings who, like me, were just trying to make it.

so, rather than single out one person, ill generate an anonymous collective list of things that i would want to say to my ex's... some positive and some negative. ill let them try to figure out which statements are directed at them and which statements are reserved exclusively for the immature doucher referenced above.


*clearing my throat*


an open list of things i would want to say to my ex's....

* i stole your sweatshirt. 
* thank you for sharing so much of yourself with me.
* i was never very fond of your family.
* i wish you would have spent more time focused on growing yourself.
* im sorry for the times i treated you poorly.
* you were a lousy gift-giver.
* you helped me heal some of the most wounded parts of myself.
* i dont really care about women's basketball.
* im sorry i cheated.
* you pretty much sucked at kissing but you always smelled great.
* you taught me how to trust.
* you taught me to trust nobody.
* you were fantastic in bed.
* i faked it. every time.
* you changed the course of my life.
* i didnt believe you when you said you didnt steal from the mall.
* thank you for never being violent.
* you have an addiction and should seek help.
* your father had an affair with our friend's mother. he asked me to promise that i would never tell you. 
* you made me feel young and free.
* you made me feel cheap and worthless. 
* you were everything i always thought i wanted, until i had it.
* i knew you were a gay man but i stayed in the relationship because you were the first man to never pressure me for sex.
* i dont like porn. 
* my family never liked you.
* i did the best i could at the time. 
* rent isnt free.
* what happened to you wasnt your fault.
* you're one of the best human beings i have ever known.
* being a survivor of sexual violence doesnt make you less of a man.
* you should have defended me.
* i miss having you in my life.
* i truly wish you happiness.

30-day challege day 4 - bullet your whole day

challenge #4- bullet your whole day

6:00 - out of bed
8:00 - open the office
8:05 - check facebook
12:00 - haircut
1:00 -stop at home to let the grrrls out to pee
1:10 - drop off mojito cupcakes for inconsistently the same's bday
1:15 - meeting about a new logo for our office
3:00 - vet appointment (x rays were clean. whew!)
5:00 -pick NM up from work
5:30 - family meeting
6:00 - dinner at 5-guys. mmmm.
7:00 - NM goes back to work. boo.
8:30 - bubble bath
9:00 - check out the new ready made magazine!
10:27- update blog
11:00 - investigation of the crazy hail storm outside (turns out hail hurts. ouch!)
11:30 - try to stay awake long enough to welcome NM home after a VERY long day at work
11:39 - losing the battle....

starting to doze....


zzzzzzz

30-day challenge post #3- books!

photo credit

challenge #3- book(s) i love

i cant go with just one. its simply not possible. i could probably do a new list of 10 books for each of these 30 days but ill spare you and pick a few of my faves.


1. water for elephants

i read this a few years back and absolutely. loved. every. minute. of. it. its exciting, romantic and includes circus culture. what more could you ask for?? i saw the movie recently and eh... it was ok. it wasnt as good as the book (duh) but i didnt want to set myself on fire while watching it either. if you have only seen the movie, i HIGHLY recommend that you take the time to read the book. its awesome.

2. the hunger games

 wow... what a surprise this trilogy was. i picked one up last summer after it was recommended to me by the woman who cuts my hair and OMG... i couldnt put them down. the movie will be out soon so if you havent read the first book yet, walk...nay, RUN... to the store and pick up a copy before your mind is tainted with trailers, commercials and mcdonalds happy meal toys.

the main character is a teenage girl named katnis but they never make her a trite female heroine. she is smart, sassy, intelligent, honest and brave. i alternate between wanting to BE katniss and wanting to raise a daughter like her.

rumor has it collins got the idea for the book while being stuck on the couch for a week with the flu. she watched tons of tv and found herself alternating between reality competition tv (survivor, amazing race) and coverage of the war. she was struck by the fact that both genres included young people who were either competing for money/prizes or putting their lives on the line in war.

i was initially appalled by the book's violence via a fight-to-the-death competition between kids... but upon further reflection, i realized that given the thousands of young men and women who have died fighting the war in iraq/afghanistan... the lines that separate panem (the country in the book) from the USA are much more blurry than i would like to believe. *sigh*



3. a million little pieces

ok, i know, i know.... there was tons of controversy surrounding the validity of this author's memoir. oprah raved about his book, then publicly shamed him and then apologized for publicly shaming him. my 2 cents are that he wrote a memoir which, like ALL memoirs, was BASED on his experience... not a word for word account of it. as a documentary filmmaker, i know that there is no such thing as an objective account of a story...even when the story is our own.

addiction has run rampant through both sides of my family tree (thank god im barren! who wants to pass that shit on?!) so the story was at times difficult to read but so beautifully (and creatively) written.





4. savage inequalities

i read this book for a sociology class in undergrad and
it.
changed.
my.
life. like for reals.

pretty much anything written by kozol is fantastic. he manages to tell other people's stories with dignity, respect and humanity. and although he paints a pretty bleak and infuriating picture of inequality in our society... he manages to do so while also leaving the reader with a sense of hope and motivation to join the fight.






5. inside of a dog

if you are the person of a dog... read this book. horowitz does a great job of describing what its like to be a dog- from the perspective of the dog. after reading this book, i realized that our house must feel like a disco tech for our dogs... complete with flashing lights (dogs see fluorescents as flashing), humming and beeping (alarm clocks, coffee pots and other electronics emit sounds that we cant hear) and overwhelming potpourri smells (goodbye carpet deodorizer!).

perhaps its the effects of a NJ public school education but i found it to be a little too science-heavy for a single read-through. i read it in spurts and enjoyed reading a chapter and then telling everyone i know about what i learned.






5.5 extremely loud and incredibly close

its somewhat risky to include a book in this list that i havent finished yet but im 3/4 of the way through it and LOVE it so far. the main character is a young boy who loses his father in the world trade center on 9/11. after finding a random key in his father's belongings, oskar embarks on a journey to find the lock that belongs to the key.

i love this book so far because it is one of the VERY few examples of a 9/11 story that isnt rooted in trite overly patriotic stereotypes. it also does a beautiful job of using a child narrator without relying on overly simplified storytelling... oskar is as complex a character as most adult protagonists.

30 day challenge #2 - the post where i lose all my straight friends

30-day challenge #2- something i feel strongly about:

good lord, what DONT i feel strongly about? on a 10 point scale, my reactions/thoughts/feelings about things tend to fall at "0" i-couldnt-care-less-if-i-tried OR "10" this-is-critical-and-potentially-life-altering. there aint no in between. remember the posts about my ex-boyfriend's twins, public displays of pooping, patriarchal standards for toilet sizes and corn-dogging? yeah. i lean towards the dramatic.

i thought about using challenge day #2 as an opportunity to rant about my favorite rantable topics. you know, like:
1. sexual violence
2. our society's refusal to acknowledge sexual violence
3.  racism
4. our society's refusal to acknowledge racism
5. thanksgiving
6. our society's refusal to acknowledge the racist roots of thanksgiving
7. the prison industrial complex
8. our society's refusal to acknowledge the racism/classism in the prison industrial complex
9. etc
10. etc.


 somehow though, that feels too predictable.

SO i thought i would use this challenge as an opportunity to share something that i feel VERY strongly about... but im not exactly sure HOW i feel about how i feel about it. *scratching my head*

no, im not talking about jean-on-jean combos. we all know that's just sick and wrong.

im talking about....



*drum roll*


hetero marriage.



*sigh*

since i know this to be a touchy subject... i will intersperse lighthearted comics amongst my ranting to help ease the tension.

i feel strongly that heterosexual people should not knowingly accept benefits that aren't afforded to everyone, equally.


now, ill admit right up front that i too have privileges that others dont have. for example, i don't have to worry about where the curb cuts are located, im never followed in stores, i dont get pulled over by police on a regular basis, i own a home, i have internet at my house, both of my parents graduated from high school and college, i have health insurance, etc etc etc.

i also fully admit that i too live with hypocrisy and my actions do not always line up with my values. for example, im a starbucks drinking fiend and i wear nike sneakers. sometimes i even drink starbucks WHILE wearing nike sneakers. eeek!

the point is, i aint perfect.

having said that... i STILL cant help but feel like the marriage issue is different. all of the privileges above are somewhat out of my control. its not like i can force police to pull me over or demand that store clerks follow me around a store. i cant give back my parent's college degrees or any of the privileges that those degrees have in turn given me. but marriage on the other hand... its a privilege that carries with it over 1400 benefits and only SOME people are allowed to sign up for those benefits.

now let me make it perfectly clear that i aint talkin about a wedding. i fully support public displays of commitment. if heteros want to hold a ceremony/party to tell the world that they are officially off the market, more power to em. my discomfort arises when that same hetero couple heads down to the courthouse to sign up for benefits that some people are barred from.

i often make the analogy of first class plane tickets. imagine NM and i heading to the airport to fly someplace and as we get on the plane, the attendant says, "oh, sorry... first class is LEGALLY only for white people." and then... imagine me saying to NM... "well, i really NEED the benefits of first class so ill just see you when the plane lands".


often hetero allies will argue that they "are only getting married because we NEED the tax benefits and/or NEED the health insurance". i even had one ally-friend who said that he NEEDED to get married because his female partner NEEDED the stability and security that comes with marriage rights.

well its a good thing that we dont NEED the tax breaks or health insurance or stability... because we dont have access to it.

meanwhile, we gays are expected to play along in the celebratory madness surrounding hetero marriages. even when those heteros are on their 2nd or 3rd or 4th marriage! we are expected to attend the wedding (typically in a church that on any other day would teach homophobic bible-lies), buy presents and dance the night away. to borrow from the first-class plane tickets analogy... its like me expecting NM to throw me a party, buy me a present and offer a congratulatory champagne toast in honor of my choice to accept the first class seat.

it sometimes seems like heteros dont even think about how it might feel for us to celebrate other people's privilege. or maybe they do think about it but dont know how to talk openly about it. *shrug* all i know is, in all the weddings i have attended... nobody has ever even mentioned it. im not so sure that i would go as far as boycotting hetero weddings or asking heteros to take a no-marriage-challenge ... but i cant ignore the fact that even the idea of talking openly about this makes me feel nervous... like im suggesting that we take away someones birthday or something.


now im not meaning to say, "if WE cant be happy, then NOBODY can!!" because the truth is, i wouldn't trade my illegal second class marriage for ANY of the straight folks i know...even with their fancy benefits. for me the issue isnt

i cant help but believe that if a hetero couple NEEDS the benefits of marriage, but commits to remaining unmarried until all discriminatory legal barriers are removed... they would be more active in the marriage rights movement, know more about the current state of marriage benefits, and be more vocal and outspoken about ending legally sanctioned homophobia.

i said at the beginning of this post that i wasn't exactly sure HOW i felt about this issue that i feel so strongly about. there is a part of me that feels hesitant about posting this as my answer to challenge #2. maybe i should have stuck with something safe like jean-on-jean. who can disagree with that?
but that would defeat the point of blogging. for me, blogging is about growth, expression and self-understanding.

im thinking now that maybe i feel hesitant to share this because i fear that it might hurt my married straight allies. maybe its my internalized homophobia that makes me feel like i should be nice and curb my resentment and frustration. maybe i worry about losing people as i demand the same rights as they have. *shrug*

sometimes i feel like the issue of marriage gets too tied into the hype of weddings so it becomes impossible to critique one without sounding like a hater. so when hetero people around me say "im getting married!!" they tend to have the wedding in mind... the cake, dancing, dresses, music, flowers, etc... but im thinking about health benefits, state-sanctioned validation and the ability to adopt a child together. but the romantic cloud of excitement swallows everything up and makes it nearly impossible to enter into a discussion about their choice to walk to the first class cabin while we are stuck in coach.


i struggle to think of any other privileges that have such clearly bigoted restrictions WRITTEN INTO THE LAW. unlike trying to refuse racial privilege or ability privilege... heterosexuals who choose to get married are knowingly signing a legal contract that only THEY are entitled to. and at the end of the day, i just dont know very many straight allies who are up to date on the issue of marriage equality.

i wish i had a dime for every time a straight person asked me, "how many states recognize gay marriage?". i want to yell... "how about YOU tell ME! it totally FIGURES that you dont know the answer to that question because it has no significance for your daily life. somehow, i bet you would know the answer if your OWN marriage was depending on it."

so, as messed up as it sounds...

i feel strongly that hetero allies would be more invested in the marriage equality movement if they refused to get legally married until everyone has the same rights.

*shrug*

30-day challenge post #1- winning my heart in 5 easy steps

challenge #1 - 5 ways to win my heart.

at this point in my life it feels kinda weird to write a list of 5 ways to win my heart because the truth is, that pony done already been won. if you wanna win my heart, you just gotta find a magic lamp and wish to come back as NM. its that simple. she had me at hello.

but

since this is a 30 day challenge, ill play along and see what i can come up with.

1. sense of humor- i gotta echo my girl inconsistently the same and say that sense of humor is definitely at the top of the list. beyond simply being funny though, the key to my heart is dry, sarcastic, borderline-inappropriate, biting wit. sorta like the time when NM made a "jersey girls are slutty" joke mid-insemination. or when she told me, "you know, settling for someone has never felt so good". god i love that woman.

2. dont sweat me- as trite as it might seem, im definitely a sucker for the ewww-you-have-cooties approach. while i dont ever want to feel dissed, i totally dig the push and pull of keeping me on my toes. ive never been the type to like being wooed, outwardly adored or followed... it just feels too perpy. so, if you really wanna win my heart, act like you like me... but NOT like your life begins and ends with me. act like YOU have interests and hobbies and thoughts and opinions and desires... beyond the ones that match up perfectly with mine. nothing makes me lace my sneakers faster than clingy uber-dependence. *shiver*

3. be creative and occasionally romantic - im thinking loyd dobler, roux, ronald miller, darius lovehal, andrew paxton kind of romance. one of my favorite movie lines was in stranger than fiction when harrold crick says to ana pascal (a baker)... "i brought you flours". cheesy yet creative. *day dream sigh*

4. have clean hygiene and smell good- this one is so simple and yet so elusive. dirty fingernails* are a total buzz kill. dry heave. (*the only exception to this rule is when said "dirt" is actually related to a job/hobby that requires you to like, use your hands and get dirty. but the ive-been-sitting-in-my-cubicle-for-8-hours kind of dirt is just grody.)

5. good vibrations- i have to include at least ONE thing that doesnt describe NM. otherwise this whole list could just be retitled "things i like about my wife". so, the last key to winning my heart is to actually BE marky mark. backwards cap, 8th grade drakkar cologne and timbs included. *fanning myself* good LORD this man is hot.

peer pressure is a mother-father

because i love my friends, im gonna buckle down and do my darnedest to successfully participate in this 30-day blog challenge. im not typically one for follow-through or completion-of-projects. im a GREAT starter of things... lousy finisher.

so, ill say upfront that aint no way in HAYell that this will be 30 consecutive days of blogging. more like 30-day-within-365-days-or-less challenge. there, that feels better.

here is the line up....

 since misery loves company... feel free to play along!!

and here's a shock...its time to pay more money.

we received an envelope last week from our adoption agency. upon first glance at the mailing address, i have to admit that the thought, "how strange that they would contact us via snail-mail about a baby" ran through my head. but alas, it turns out they were just sending us a friendly reminder that the "contents of your file are about to reach the one-year expiration date". great, just what i needed. a reminder that another WHOLE year has gone by and nada.

the list of items to be renewed includes:

tax return info

state and federal fingerprints

background checks

dept of human services central registry clearances

letters of recommendation

physicals

house inspection

CPR/First aid

you know, the little things. *choke*

with the exception of the letters of recommendation, all of the above will cost us money. and, i wouldnt be surprised if our friends started charging us a fee for their recommendation services. which honestly, i would understand since it must take a tremendous amount of work to compile a letter of recommendation for me that doesnt include the words "lush", "angry", "psycho-man-hating-lesbian" or "somehow-manages-to-bring-every-conversation-back-to-the-topic-of-sexual-violence-prevention". and while i contend that all of the above are some of my best qualities, i guess the state doesnt want to place a kid with a mom who could be best described as girl-interrupted meets hard-candy. (side note: if you havent seen the film hard candy... you HAVE to check it out!! reason #472 to love ellen page and rape revenge films)

i digress...

we are going to take this "valuable opportunity" to officially change my last name to match NM's. its something i have wanted to do for a while but have been reluctant to start because of the reDONKulous amount of bureaucracy involved. example #8726 of the marriage benefits afforded to heterosexuals.

since i will need to do fingerprints for the adoption agency, we figure we can kill-two-perps-with-one-stone by filing for a name change at the same time. i figure if nothing else, maybe the name change process will give me something to write/rant about on this blog. *fingers crossed*