Monday, November 8, 2010

jesus loves chode

once upon a time there was a small city nestled in the mountains. in this small city there lived a big corporate-style-conglomerate church called the Church of Hypocrisy, Oppression, Damnation and Exclusion (aka: CHODE). the members of CHODE spent all day and night praying for the elimination of evil things like world peace, people of color, premarital sex and a women's right to choose. above all else though, CHODE prayed day and night for the elimination of the world's biggest evil-doers.....

*drum roll*

... the queers. *gasp!*

CHODE was SO committed to eliminating the queers that they even offered free classes to help former queers stay on the straight-and-narrow (pun intended) path of righteousness that only a true (read: money-donating) christian can enjoy.

what, you might be asking, does this story have to do with a TTC blog??

well, much to my dismay, two... count them TWO...  of the four couples in our recent adoption class were card-carrying, flag-waiving members of CHODE. and, to make matters worse... one of the couples is actually a friggin PASTOR at CHODE (and when i say "one of the couples" im clearly referring to the husband. lord knows that the little lady aint allowed to preach-tha-good-word while owning a menstruating vagina).

you can imagine my face when the cheery introduction round started off like this...

caseworker: ok everyone... lets start the session off by learning a little bit about each other. please share your name, hobbies, how far along you are in the adoption process and what brings you to this class today. how about we start with the couple to my right?

barbie and ken couple to the caseworker's right: hi, my name is ken and this is my wife barbie. i am a pastor at CHODE and my wife is a barefoot stay at home mom to our three beautiful children who were conceived with out a problem, for free and only AFTER we were legally married. we dont have fertility issues like you barren freaks and are only here because we hope to become foster parents. we have tried to be cordial and respectful to the other two couples in this room who dont attend CHODE... but only because we are secretly praying for your souls and for the souls of your future children as they attempt to navigate a life that will no doubt be misguided by your sinful ways."

aaaand, scene.

*deep breath*

fine, ill admit it. the above might be a teensy weensy bit of an exaggeration... but its pretty damn close to what i heard them say. naturally, im still processing (read: reeling in anger) from the experience so i will stop here, breathe into a brown paper bag and try a new post that contains highlights from the class with (slightly) less sarcasm. all in all, it was actually a pretty good class and well worth our time. details to come soon.

in the meantime, let go and let god.

*dry heave*


  1. icky. that sounds awful. you know people like that exist. you see them on tv. you just never expect to cross paths with them in real life.

    can i ask what church is it? there's so many like that.

  2. Gross - I'm sure you heard them loud and clear!

  3. We attended class with several terrible chode-like couples, but one in particular stood out for me. When asked to name the one characteristic (ONE!) she'd like to have her new baby to have of her husband's, she said "His vast love of the lord". There was some elaboration and honestly, there's nothing wrong with that, but what sort are you what THAT'S the thing that comes to mind?