Wednesday, September 8, 2010

the post where i whine about making a portfolio

update: NM and i have cleared all of the hurdles for adoption and now only have two... count em, TWO things on our to-do list. first, we need to get our shots finalized. im still not too clear on why they need to know my hepatitis status. would they not allow us to adopt if it turned out that we were positive?? if so, i thank my lucky stars again that the crack head nurse didn't give me hep. (btw...she is currently doing like 20 years in jail!)

the other remaining item on our to-do list is the portfolio. *deep sigh* what a monumental task this has turned out to be. *wiping my brow*

i remember in our veeery first adoption meeting like 2 years ago, we were told that we would "get the opportunity to make a portfolio" that included details about our family, home, hobbies, values, etc. this portfolio would then be shown to potential birth-parents as they (typically she, but sometimes they) try to select adoptive parents. being the total craft freaks that we are, NM and i immediately got SO excited about making the portfolio. my little artist brain started thinking about all of the potential formats, colors, fonts and photos that we would use. i couldn't WAIT until we got the green light to go ahead and start making it.


we actually got the green light to start making it. 

suddenly "get the opportunity to make a portfolio" felt more like "have to force yourself to sit down and make a portfolio whether you like it or not". 

im not sure if this sudden aversion to making a portfolio is common with other adoptive parents but i just cant get past how unexpected this feels for me. and lets not even talk about the process of writing a letter to the potential birth-parent. fu'getabowtit.

in our defense, i should admit that we are more than half way through the portfolio. i feel like the further we get into the process though, the more final the decision feels. at first, playing with colors is just that... playing with colors. now, choosing a color means that we we will FOREVER have a (insert color) portfolio. which isn't that big of a deal until you think of yourself as a person who is choosing someone to like, RAISE YOUR BABY and you open the binder to see that they selected (insert your least favorite color in the world) as their main color!! aaaahhhh!! 

*deep breath*

the pressure to please is overwhelming but NM and i have tried to just keep an open mind and remember that at some point this part of the process will be in the past and ill most likely be sleep deprived and kicking myself for whining about how hard it was to make a portfolio. 

*fingers crossed that a birth-mom likes the color chartreuse!*

(just kidding. we didn't pick chartreuse)


  1. You'll make the best portfolio ever!

  2. I am sure your portfolio will be brilliant, even though there's no why it can be as clever and witty and utterly perfect as your posts and the freakin pie graph you made to quantify your portfolio avoidance.

  3. I know exactly how you feel. I agonized over it but then got it done rather quickly and it was all up hill from there. good luck!

  4. I know it's different, but through our donor process there were times I just felt completely unwilling or unable to make decisions or deal with little details. I think for me it has to do with the finality of it - not that I didn't want to be there, but that each step made it more and more real which meant I had fewer and fewer options. I don't know if that makes sense but there is something in me that chafes at things not being wide open anymore.

    Here from the Creme, and wishing you all good things this year.

  5. I like your green area!

    So, how did it turn out?

    (I did a post about profiles here, just in case you're still interested:

  6. The thought of making a portfolio is probably the thing that has kept me from being able to commit to starting the adoption process. The very thought of trying to "sell" myself in that way makes me feel quite ill. So much pressure! I can completely understand your feelings.

    (here from CDLC)