update: NM and i have cleared all of the hurdles for adoption and now only have two... count em, TWO things on our to-do list. first, we need to get our shots finalized. im still not too clear on why they need to know my hepatitis status. would they not allow us to adopt if it turned out that we were positive?? if so, i thank my lucky stars again that the crack head nurse didn't give me hep. (btw...she is currently doing like 20 years in jail!)
the other remaining item on our to-do list is the portfolio. *deep sigh* what a monumental task this has turned out to be. *wiping my brow*
i remember in our veeery first adoption meeting like 2 years ago, we were told that we would "get the opportunity to make a portfolio" that included details about our family, home, hobbies, values, etc. this portfolio would then be shown to potential birth-parents as they (typically she, but sometimes they) try to select adoptive parents. being the total craft freaks that we are, NM and i immediately got SO excited about making the portfolio. my little artist brain started thinking about all of the potential formats, colors, fonts and photos that we would use. i couldn't WAIT until we got the green light to go ahead and start making it.
we actually got the green light to start making it.
suddenly "get the opportunity to make a portfolio" felt more like "have to force yourself to sit down and make a portfolio whether you like it or not".
im not sure if this sudden aversion to making a portfolio is common with other adoptive parents but i just cant get past how unexpected this feels for me. and lets not even talk about the process of writing a letter to the potential birth-parent. fu'getabowtit.
in our defense, i should admit that we are more than half way through the portfolio. i feel like the further we get into the process though, the more final the decision feels. at first, playing with colors is just that... playing with colors. now, choosing a color means that we we will FOREVER have a (insert color) portfolio. which isn't that big of a deal until you think of yourself as a person who is choosing someone to like, RAISE YOUR BABY and you open the binder to see that they selected (insert your least favorite color in the world) as their main color!! aaaahhhh!!
the pressure to please is overwhelming but NM and i have tried to just keep an open mind and remember that at some point this part of the process will be in the past and ill most likely be sleep deprived and kicking myself for whining about how hard it was to make a portfolio.
*fingers crossed that a birth-mom likes the color chartreuse!*
(just kidding. we didn't pick chartreuse)