Friday, August 5, 2011

"you had a baby, bob. its a girl and we named her brenda." -la bamba

we are still chewing on names for the little dude. sadly, NM has vetoed jersey, camden, trenton, bronx, brooklyn, paulie d, the situation and biggie smalls. she is such a killjoy.

im realizing that naming a kid is kind of intense. im sure we have all played the "what would we name our kid" game... you know, the game that always ends with the most ridiculous names and a hearty bout of laughter. my favorite is a friend who said, "im gonna have a son and name him steven, but im gonna spell it a-l-e-x-a-n-d-e-r. so when people say 'alexander' he can say, 'no, its pronounced steven'."

but now its like, for reals. at the end of the game i gotta have an actual name for an actual human. woah. intense.

and speaking of intense... answering the "have you thought about names yet?" question sure does open the floodgates of opinions. jesus. who knew people were so die hard about naming a baby. I can talk to 50 different people in the span of 2 minutes and get 50 different -yet equally passionate (read: manic) opinions about the same friggin name.

the most common reactions look like this...

person #1 (also known as i-might-stalk-your-baby): “roger? wow. I love it! I don’t think I have eeeeever heard such an angelic name. its like the sound of angels singing on sunday. he is destined for greatness with a name like that. I wish I could change my OWN name to roger. strong, beautiful, angelic roger. *day dream sigh* if you love him you will pick that name.”

person # 2 (also known as you're-the-reason-gay-people-shouldnt-be-allowed-to-name-kids): “ROGER?! is that some sort of sick joke?! what kind of person names their baby rooooger?! I swear, if you name that baby roger I will call child protective services and report you for abuse. god. its like the sound of poop sloshing in a toilet. how could ANYONE. EVER. consider such a name?!?! *dry heave*”

person # 3 (also known as the oversharer): "did you say Roger? as in, r-o-g-e-r? omg... that's totally my uncles name! he was my faaaaavorite uncle growing up. well, until he was arrested for child pornography. he should be getting out of jail in 2015 though, so that's good. i only knew one other roger my whole life and he was a guy i worked with at the mall. he came to work one day with a knife and threatened to kill everyone so i never saw him after that. hm, i wonder what happened to him? strange... i cant remember. anywho... i think roger is a great name!"

person # 4 (also known as the united nations police): "roger? really? its nice but..... its sooooo *long pause*.... ethnic. and the baby wont even teeeechnically identify as *insert random ethnic identity*. im just saying that EVERYONE knows that roger is a *insert ethnic identity* name. so dont you think its straaaange to name a baby *finger quotes*-"roger" when he isnt *insert ethnic identity*?"

person # 5 (also known as dr. seuss): "roger? hm... that's a cool name. but you know what would be even cooler? dodger. ooh! or how about bodger. yeah! have you thought about bodger? that's a great name! bodger. bodger. yeah...that's it. that's the name. oh wait... what about modger?! i like that best. yeah. modger."

someone set me on fire, please.

ps. we arent really considering roger. its a great name, really. just not for us.
pps. no offense if your have a perpie uncle named roger.


  1. Roger? What, is he going to be born 70 years old or something?

    You know what name I like. And he will totally identify with the brown-ness. How could he not? YOU think you're a chola. :)

    Anywho. Names suck. Girl names suck even more. Remember our boy name?? You could use that!

    Or Stacy is always a good choice. :)

  2. person #6 (also known as Roger) That's MY name! It's an EXCELLENT name! Ignore those who call it a boring name. I'm a programmer for a lawn and garden distributor, and my name has never made ME sound boring!

    Roger Strong
    Programmer, Yetman's Lawn & Garden
    (I wanted to be an accountant, but I didn't have enough personality.)

  3. love this post. so. true.

  4. person #2 is even more fun when the kid is there, already named. i got one of those yesterday. i could hear him warming up, and then i could see his brain's danger light go on, and he was like "AWKWARD SUBJECT CHANGE."

    naming is so weird. for at least two months, i felt like i was lying everytime someone asked the bean's name. it's like if you were on the subway, and someone asked you what a stranger's name was, and you said "larry" -- and for the rest of his life, everyone called him larry. unnerving.

  5. Hilarious. I swear naming the kids is nearly as hard as getting them. Good luck with your decision!

  6. So true! Just forwarded it to my partner in a "You're right--this is why we are not telling anyone our chosen names." But, still--can't we just tell 3 people? Please.

    And my dad's name is Roger. I'm offended and never reading this blog again. ;)