Monday, August 24, 2009

the "tails" of a self mutilating dog.

*deep breath*
(why do so many of my posts start this way??)

so NM and i have been taking a break from TTC for a few months now. at first the break was an attempt to give my body (and my emotions) a much needed respite from tryin' to get knocked up. we had planned to start trying again in august...yes, the same august that is about to be over in 6 days...but our "let-NJ's-ovaries-have-a-break" break has now turned into a "let-us-pay-off-some-TTC-debt" break. and quite frankly, its pissing me off.

i recently received a bill from our old RE for almost $400 for ultrasounds and office visits that occurred in february. february??!! as it turns out, our insurance had a "delay in processing claims" so all the shit that we thought was being covered by insurance, wasnt. great.

and then, in addition, im still responsible for the $990 anesthesia bill from the hepatitis surgery in february! (oh, forgot to update and say that my test came back negative. my negative result has left me happy and sad at the same time. im sad because now we cant use my sue-the-hospital-for-millions-and-use-the-money-to-finance-TTC plan but im happy cuz...well, cuz i dont have hepatitis. lol. all joking aside, im super lucky. the current count says that the crack head nurse infected 27 people!!)

i digress...

between the stupid unfair ridiculous $990 anesthesia bill and the daily influx of late medical bills from our old RE, we have had to put everything on hold. again. *folding arms and pouting*.

i have heard many (straight) people say "there is never enough time or money to have kids so dont wait!" but that's easy to say when its essentially FREE to get knocked up! as many of you know, most RE's require payment on the day of service so it presents a slight problem when you dont have the funds to pay.

it also presents a slight problem when you dont have daily access to free sperm. when i think about the cost of a vial of sperm.... i swear, the person (most likely a man) who invented sperm banks was a true capitalist... step one: get men to come to the office and pay them $75 bucks to do what they are already doing at home for free. step 2: split each load into 10 vials and sell each vial for $600. step 3: sell these vials to desperate lesbos who dont have daily access to free sperm. holy crap they must make bank!

since we only have one vial left we need to buy another 6 pack which also requires money that we dont have. then, to top it off, our dog gully...

...decided to practically chew her tail off the other day which resulted in a $550 vet bill! she is fine now and the 9 pills that she has to take everyday seem to be helping her tail heal. i swear it was just a conspiracy to prevent us from having a kid which would inevitably interfere with the level of attention she receives. damn self mutilating dog!

in lighter news i heard the following joke the other day and thought i would pass it along...

how many TTC lesbos does it take to screw in a light bulb?

wait for it.....

wait for it....

screw in a light bulb??...hey, do you think it might help??

ba-dump-bump. im here all week.


  1. The sperm cost thing drives me through the roof. It boggles the mind that they can charge so much for a fraction of an ejaculate, boggles!

  2. Thanks for the much needed chuckle today. I feel your pain. Last time we were at the RE's the financial lady saw me sitting in the fancy schmancy waiting room and asked if I could join her in her office. I felt like an school girl getting called into the principals office. I had to remember I am a grown up now and made myself put on my big girl panties so I wouldn't look like an imature idiot as she asked me when I thought I could make a payment for the $500 balance that is outstanding. UGH!

  3. PS - hope your pup is better soon! I have a self mutilater at home too.