Thursday, September 24, 2009

belly full o' swimmers

well... i have officially begun the TTWW. we had 2 inseminations (today and yesterday) so now all i can do is wait, wait, wait, wait.

the insems were no big deal... im pretty much a pro at this point. the new doctor's procedures differed slightly from our old RE but not too much. the biggest difference is the fact that they let me pee before the procedure. *wiping my brow* whew!! our old doctor said that a full bladder made it easier to "find the cervix" which always made me a little suspicious since we are talking about a space that is roughly the size of a grapefruit. how hard is it to find a cervix in there?

while it seems a small difference, it actually makes insems MUCH less annoying. i used to pee before we got in the car to drive to denver (our old RE was an hour away in denver) and then, since i didnt wanna flush $600 down the toilet, i would continue to hold my pee for hours after the insem. it wasnt fun. i have a very low tolerance for that kinda discomfort so having the opportunity to pee before the insem was a dream.

the nurse yesterday was this totally socially awkward lady who is probably really nice but in an insemination environment just seems odd. she put a hospital bracelet on me when we first got there with my name in big black letters. then, when she came into the room to do the insem she made me show her my bracelet and verify my identity. i still cant figure out why. she knows us...and has been our nurse for numerous other appointments. did she think we were gonna sneak some look-alike-jersey-double into the appointment? *shrug* weird.

i didnt have any freak out moments but did almost lose it when she showed us the vial to verify the donor number...

nurse: ok, can you look at this vial and verify that we have the correct number.
NJ: *checking the number on the side of the vial* yup...thats the one.
nurse: *looking at the vial* now, you do understand...that the red cap on this vial means that this is a mixed rate donor, right?
NJ: sorry but i dont know what "mixed rate" means.
nurse: no, *talking slowly* mixed raaaace. you do understand that this donor identifies as mixed race. right?
NJ: *not sure what to say*
NJ: yes. we are aware of the racial identity of our donor.

WTF!?!?!? she might as well have said, "excuse me miss white lady, are you aware that you might be creating offspring with.....A BROWN PERSON?!" because that's what i heard her say. i wanted to say, "yes...we lesbians are planning to create a queer multiracial family. stick that in your bible and pray about it". *deep breath* white people, i swear.

the second insem was pretty much the same but we had a much cooler nurse this time. well... i should say that NM had a much cooler experience since she and the nurse became BFF's while i was up in the stirrups. picture me, in stirrups, trying to keep my head off the dirty ass pillowcase, not able to see anything thats going on, feeling pinches and pokes and twists and i hear this....

nurse: ok, im gonna get the boys in the catheter.
NM: *laughing* oh, we call them "michael phelps" since we hope they are good swimmers
nurse: oh thats great! and speaking of phelps... isnt he amazing?
NM: i know! he was born to swim!
nurse: yes he was. imagine if he had never been exposed to swimming... what a huge loss. its crazy to think about how some people might be born to do something but because they are never exposed to it, they never have that chance.
NM: yeah...thats crazy.
nurse: so, what are you doing for the weekend
NJ: *resisting the urge to say, helloooooo?! i hate to break up the tea party but could you focus!
NM: oh, my mom is coming to town for my birthday this weekend.
nurse: oh that will be such FUN! we were just in california visiting my kids.
NM: oh really? where in california?
nurse: northern LA. we went to disney land and had a blast.
NM: oh i LOVE disneyland!
nurse: well, let me tell you....we went with 4 adults and no kids and it was so much fun!
NM: *laughing* thats great! disneyland should be for adults only!
NJ: *thinking* the minute that i am im out of these stirrups, im filing for a divorce.


needless to say, NM didnt leave the appointment with the nurse's phone number or facebook info. *rolling my eyes*
men, i swear.


  1. I'm crossing my fingers for you and laughing at your 2nd insem story. The mixed race thing = amazing. I can't believe they pointed that out.

  2. bwahahaha. i spit out my milkshake reading this. i hope michael phelps isn't too stoned (or you know, hanging out with carrie prejean) to do his best! and the bright side is that the hospital bracelet bling is a nice memento of the day, yea?

  3. Fingers and toes crossed for you!

  4. Fingers crossed for you! I've been following your blog and well you ALWAYS make me laugh! I'm sending baby vibes!

  5. Firstly, I've just found your blog so hi!
    Secondly, good luck this cycle I will have my fingers crossed for you
    And thirdly, one of the nurses at our clinic always has to ask about K's work - which would be fine if she wasn't a teacher, somehow talking about the high school kids she teaches puts a really weird vibe into the room lol

  6. That no peeing thing sounds totally weird to me. I am really bad at not peeing when I have to. makes me so grumpy too. And that comment about your donor not being white? That would be grounds enough here to file a human rights complaint. I mean, SERIOUSLY. That is so incredibly racist. and wrong.

    I really hope that your own little phelps wins another medal or 2... Its all crossed for you here!

  7. I have never had anyone tell me I can't pee before an insem. Its a good thing too because:

    1) I still get really nervous and excited before each insem and pee like 10 times.

    2) The only way I can get called to go from the waiting room to the exam room is to use the bathroom. Without fail, they always call me when I get up to pee.

    What the hell is wrong with the first nurse? First, how is it her place to question which donor you are using? Second, it's just really out of line for her to make an assumption about how you or NM identify racially. This clinic sure is giving you material for a lot of crazy stories.

    Good luck with the TWW

  8. I'm sorry, but this really cracked me up. I can totally picture it. Wait until you are delivering your baby and the epidural guy decides to take a personal phone call. Um yah, it doesn't stop with just the insem part. Prepare yourself;)

    Oh and I hope it works for you. We had TTC woes and I totally feel for you.