the not-so-terrible two week wait.

i am officially 4/5 days into the TTWW. i am crampy as a mother-father and am still pretty irritable. im starting to think that my irritability has more to do with dealing with the nearly constant cramps and less to do with the raging hormones. *shrug* nevertheless...im in some pretty uncomfortable pain and its not fun. *pout*

we went to JC Penney this weekend with NM's mom (she was visiting for the weekend to help celebrate NM's birthday) and i was in the dressing room trying on a shirt when suddenly i looked at myself in the mirror. good LORD am i bloated! i pretty much look preggo. i am told that the joy of bloat is a side effect of the fertility drugs but my imagination cant help but think that maybe one of the past insems actually worked and im currently carrying a 6 month old baby in my belly. NM thinks im crazy but hey.... you never know! ive seen way weirder stuff on TLC!

this TTWW feels totally different that any of the previous 7 cycles. typically at this point in the ballgame i have my eye on the prize and cant WAIT for the 2 weeks to pass. every passing minute, hour, day is consumed with counting down.

this time, aka...my last try... feels totally different. its like i dont want the 2 weeks to pass.

i think im just afraid that this moment right now is the closest i will ever come to being pregnant. at the end of the TTWW i might get my period which then means that we will move on to other options for a child.

*sigh*
somehow, being maybe-pregnant is better than never being pregnant at all.